My Fucked-up Beautiful Life: A Tale of Gratitude and Grief
Here it is, the thirty-first of December. Goodbye 2024. I wish I could just slam the door shut and throw away the key. But, alas, my troubles will be following me right on into the new year as I try to figure out how to avoid paying taxes on $250K of money that was stolen by scammers.
***
But that was not on my mind on this bright and brilliant afternoon. Cooper and I went up to the ridge north of town, one of our favorite places for a quick romp. I tossed my skis in the back just in case there was enough snow for it, and it would have been perfect. But in my rush to get out of the house I neglected to check the contents of the purple tote that always has the winter gear in it.. just snagged it from the closet and threw it in the truck. Ha…skates, mittens, yak tracks.., but no ski boots! Hmm…wonder where they ended up?. Well, I guess we hike. We took off up the hill, and the snow was not very deep, except in the open areas where it drifted to just above my ankles. The midday sun was spectacular, glinting off the landscape, not even a whisper of wind. Cooper occasionally looked back at me with that happy-place face he gets when we go on hikes, as he sniffed the rabbit trails and marked every other tree.
***
Wow! I can’t believe she brought me here! This place is the best, except for that one time last winter when I was post-holing through the drifts while she was on those silly sticks she slides around on…man that was a workout! I even started whining. She kept telling me to go back to the road and meet her at the rig. Yeah. Right. Like that would ever happen. I had to keep an eye on her in case she got too reckless and fell down or something. I was having trouble keeping up though, and, remember how I slept so long when we got home? Woohoo. That was a fun day, but it wore me out! Now today…this is perfect!
***
In this stunning landscape, in the fresh, crisp air, I am only thinking about how fortunate I am to be right here, right now…on a ridgetop with my big goofy dog, trudging through the snow on the last day of the year.
***
I had started to get used to the idea that my entire life savings is gone…so much for retirement…but to have to pay taxes on money lost in a fraud scam is brutal. Thanks to the previous Trump administration’s Tax and Jobs Act of 2017, there is no longer a deduction allowed for loss through fraud. After being in denial for several months since the big scam, I am now trying to actually deal with it.
***
Oh, wait, where is she going? She’s cutting over here through the trees! Yippee, isn’t this a blast? And now…Oh, I see, ok. Sure, we can get back to the road this way, but, really? Are you sure? Some of these drifts are pretty…oof…uh…pretty deep…ugh.
***
Getting weary of the deepening snow the further out on the ridge we got, I decide to cut through the woods and down the steep timbered slope to join back up with the lower part of the loop. It may not have been the best idea, as most of the snow ended up being well above my knees, quite a workout by the time we met the road, and still probably almost a mile back to the rig. Invigorating, to say the least, eventually peeling off my gloves and hat once we leveled out.
***
The man’s name was Jordan, a master manipulator, posing as a fraud officer from my bank. I was connected to him over a “secure line” by Veronica who was posing as an agent of Paypal, from which I had just received an email receipt for over $700 worth of gym equipment (haha, yeah, that would be me). Of course I called the number on the receipt to dispute the erroneous charge. That was the beginning of a two-month long spiral into the depths of what my local police called the most elaborate fraud scam they had ever encountered.
***
Yeehaw! That was super duper! Just glad it was all downhill! Ok, race ya to the truck!
***
When we reached the road, I realized that I sometimes tend to act like my body is only forty…starting off all gung-ho and energetic, only to burn up all my energy right away. Then, as my unconditioned muscles start to grow weary, I am at greater risk of tripping, losing my balance, twisting an ankle, the possibilities are endless. I need to remind myself I’m NOT an athlete.
***
How did I, a reasonably intelligent and capable person, get sucked into such a scam? Number one: Fear. Jordan had convinced me that my identity had been stolen, and was being used for all kinds of nefarious activity, which I would eventually be responsible for if we didn’t put a stop to it. Drug and porn rings in foreign countries, arms purchases in Ukraine, credit cards being secured with my identity.. I was on the FBI watch list too, and it was his job to catch these bad guys. He was enlisting my cooperation in this mission. There would be a series of transactions he would walk me through over the coming weeks in order to “secure” my money and in the process catch the culprits. I was asked to TRUST NO ONE. Don’t discuss this with anyone.
***
As I trudged through the snow I felt grateful for this hillside that I have visited so often, in all seasons. I pass the little swale where the young elderberry tree stands, naked in the brisk winter air.
***
Oh boy, look at all these rabbit tracks! Yippee! Maybe I can chase one!
***
Number two: Trust. Jordan called me nearly every day to work on our case. He often referred to meetings and calls with Interpol and the FBI, and government rules regarding the case. He often put me on hold for long periods of time. He was quick to praise my responsiveness and cooperation, and my savvy with technology, and assured me that once the case was closed everything was going to be fine and I was doing a huge service to our country by aiding in his investigation to apprehend the criminals. I would have the option of attending the eventual trial, though it wasn’t required. And of course there would be the standard compensation package when the case wrapped up. We were making good progress and were almost finished. Meanwhile we were moving my retirement funds from my IRA which had been building up for the last 35 years, into Crypto, a new Discover account we set up as a pass-through, wire transfers, and cash withdrawals and pickups by couriers. Do you know what size of a box you need to fit $80,000 cash?
***
I don’t know much about timber management around here, but they did a nice job replanting this ridge with a variety of species, including plenty of tamarack, which makes for a magical carpet of gold on the forest floor in early winter before the snow falls. I remember that November day a few years back when I finally had the energy to get out after recovering from Covid. I didn’t hike far, as I was still always exhausted, but I sat on that very stump over there in that little clearing and just bathed in the sunlight.
***
Hey, got any water in that pack? All this fun is making me thirsty!
***
Number Three: Empathy. One day Jordan informed me that his wife and son had been killed in an accident. He had nothing to live for. A couple of days before that he had hung up from our call in a rush, sounding rattled, saying something about not being able to reach his family. He seemed clearly distraught, implied that it may not have been an accident…
***
My pace on the last leg of the loop slows, and I stop to sip from my water bottle, pouring out a bit for Cooper. I guess if I were going to make any new year’s resolutions one would be to get out here more often. Or anywhere. Just do it, isn’t that what they say? I know it is helpful in keeping the dark moods from turning into full on depression.
***
Oh boy, we’re home. Hey, could you please help me down? No? Ok…oooff. Ouch. Not as young and tough as I used to be. Ah, there’s the couch. Later, gator.
***
I wonder what it was that made me so vulnerable. Was it loneliness? Boredom? A thirst for danger or adventure? None of those things have been typical descriptors of my life, and neither has been the word victim. Now, as I relax on the couch with my faithful canine companion, the sun sets on another year, and I vow to go on more hikes, spend more time making art and music, and try to be more connected with my people. After all, it was my life savings, not my life.